Run Find Your Happy Pace

finding my happy pace in running and life

The Rant, the Naked Truth and Moving Forward

on September 26, 2012

Someone recently asked me why all my posts make it seem like my life is so wonderful.  Well honestly I don’t like to write or admit any bad days or bad stuff to anyone, let alone on my blog.  I like to float on a fairly even keel, I don’t like to get all worked up and I dont’ like to complain.  God is good, even when things are not and I try to look at life that way.  However I DO have bad days and today was one of them.

So if you are easily offended you might want to pass on this post, but I am hoping writing this down helps me get over myself.

OK here goes:

  1. I HATE that my Mom has dementia.  I HATE that here is nothing anyone can do to stop it.
  2. I HATE that my bursitis is acting up in my left hip
  3. I HATE that even though deployments are part of military life…they sometimes really SUCK
  4. I HATE that I haven’t had sex in over 4 months.
  5. I HATE that I have the skin of a teenager going thru puberty (that’s if they had the pleasure of both acne and wrinkles…life is cruel)
  6. I HATE that I have been having a lot of sleep issues
  7. I HATE that I have to color my hair every three weeks!  I feel 30, just wish I looked like it
  8. I HATE that I had to miss bible study today.  (I took one for the team and stayed home because my 5-year-old snuck the iPad last night and stayed up until after 11 pm but still got up at 7.  It would have been bad for everyone if I had just gone about my usual Wed. routine.  So you are welcome babysitter and kindergarten teacher.)
  9. I HATE that I had the wind knocked out of my sails on my run today because of my moodiness and un-even keel.

And that is the naked truth, we all have bad days…sometimes really bad days!

So my solution, take my own advice.  Get my ass out the door and RUN, and then run some more.  When I walked out the door my Garmin died (dead battery) “oh that’s just flippin’ great”.  Although I was pissed in the end this was probably a really good thing.  Thank goodness my iPod was working, I cranked up the tunes and ran.  I ran to run. I ran for my Mom.  I ran for my sanity.  I just ran.  It took me 3 miles just to get into it.  More than once I almost turned around.  Within a mile all I could think about was my Mom (who I had talked to earlier this morning).  I ran, I cried, I stopped and caught my breath, I ran some more.   It took me those first 3 miles to clear my head of all the “junk”.  But I kept moving forward.  I ended up with about 5 1/2, not my goal of 6, but better than sitting around being a poopy-head, depressed about things I cannot change.  Instead happy with the release I got from my run.

So now I will list the things I have thought about during the better half of my run (in correlation to the above statements of hate)

  1. I am lucky to even still have my Mom and Dad around
  2. I lucky I am able to run at all as some never will (the bursitis will get better just like it and my PF has in the past)
  3. My husband and I get to Skype quite often where he is deployed, so it’s not a total shut down of communication
  4. lets not touch on #4 for now 😉
  5. My skin issues will also pass…just like puberty did.  Its what’s on the inside not the outside that makes me, me (darn wrinkles…they just happen)
  6. Sleep will come, or I will hunt it down like a rabid dog….woof
  7. I am thinking of buying stock in Clairol 
  8. I am going to email my Bible Study group and ask them to pray for me and to let them know I missed them today
  9. I ran because God has given me the ability and the courage to go and for that I must be thankful even when I don’t “run like the wind Bullseye

So what am I doing now?  Writing this or course.  Writing is a release for me.  I also still have the tunes cranked up on my ipod.  My playlist is literally called “Run Dang It!”.  It’s the one I save for tough runs and bad days…perfect.  Lots of loud, heavy music (Drowning Pool “Let the Bodies Hit the Floor” is on right now) that I probably wouldn’t want my parents to hear. 🙂

So let’s pray for a better rest of the day.  🙂  I still have 2 1/2 hours of gymnastics to make it thru tonight, wish me luck!

18 Responses to “The Rant, the Naked Truth and Moving Forward”

  1. I do enjoying reading your positive posts! I will say though that I love this post! Not because of your really crappy day, but because It brought tears to my eyes and I feel like I know you better. I will pray for you for your happy and sad!

  2. Sarah says:

    Your post made me cry a little, then laugh a little. I’ll pray for you too!

  3. Jenna says:

    Amen!!!!! This is so inspirational!!!! I was trying to hit a like button after almost every sentence! Hahaha! I am praying for you in hopes that healing and peace will come to your mom, your body will find rest and ease from bursitis, safety for your husband, and patience when things start to add up! Keep on being amazing! Spa love!

  4. hopestick06 says:

    Love this post! Adding you to my prayer list as well. This too shall pass and in the meantime crank your music and just keep running!! =)

  5. Shelley says:

    Your post sounds like my current day and week. I need to get out and run or heck even walk. I have went on many workouts with tears streaming and for some reason it always helps by the time I am done I feel better and relieved.
    Hope your day improves and that you survive gymnastics class tonight.
    Deployments do suck, my best friend and her husband are getting transferred and its killing me this week trying to process not having her around in a few months. I am happy for them but yet sad and in need of a good workout.

  6. Jessica says:

    This is totally how I have been feeling the last two weeks, give or take a few of the issues. But you have it right, God is good and we can do all things through him! We all ahve bad days, it is just not as fun to talk about them, but we need to. I think it is great you are asking your bible study group to pray for you, prayer is an amazing thing. I find that once I start talking about all the “bad stuff” then other people open up and most of the time they are going through the same thing or know someone that is. Keep your chin up girl, I haven’t had the best two weeks with a lot of things in my life, but I still get out there and run, though with just my legs sometimes and not my heart 🙁 I look forward to reading more on how things are going for you. God Bless!

  7. I know it’s tough girlie, but you’re a strong cookie and can get through it! Life is always a test, isn’t it? I have hip pain that irks the crap out of me too…and I can totally relate to dementia – my grandmother had alzheimers…it’s so unfair. Happy vibes & SPA <3

  8. Love this post, Darlena! I’m sure it was incredibly cathartic to release that list of hates! You’re human, life isn’t always peaches and champagne. Some of my best runs are done when I’m pissed off, hurt, upset, etc. If it makes you feel better, I have the skin of a teenager going through puberty and even though I’m in my 20s I’m to the point where I keep finding more and more grey hairs. Do you think Clairol would give a bulk discount? We could go in on the purchase together! My heart goes out to you and your kiddos during your husband’s deployment; even though it’s part of military life, it still sucks a big one! I’ll be praying for you {and your sanity}.

    Oh, as for your playlist, one of my favorite running songs is Papa Roach ‘Last Resort’. I wouldn’t want my mom to hear it either. 🙂

  9. runwkate says:

    Good on you for just laying it bare – did it make you feel better to get it off your chest?

    Great post – and I hope the gymnastics was fun!

  10. I hear ya on this one! Great post! And you know what they say “just because I’m happy doesn’t mean everything is perfect!”
    Good for you to get out and run an clear your head!! Keep it up!!

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